I have so much on my mind, and since i tried( n failed) to get tinks off my mind, its probably beta tt i channel all my thots thru writing it here, before i suffer a serious mental break-down or smth.

I've always bear an optimistic and positive outlook on life. I mean, even my horoscope says tt abt me. Me=typical happy-go-lucky Sagittaurian

I dun have a care in tis world, nothing rlly gets to me, mayb unless i'm deprived of my freedom or using make up, or wearing nice n pretty clothes or smth lyk tt.

But as time passes, i've come to realize tt i can no longer be the person i am n how i wld b responsible for all tt i do, n in other words how much life SUCKS.

IT REALLY DOES.

o m f g. Wad has become of me???!!!

I'm being such a whiny, pessimistic sadist freak.

But then again, u can try being in my position. I'll bet even the most positive, most self-assured saintly person( hu oh-i-believe-god-will-bring-us-thru-tis) will be drive to bonkers n go berserk.

Tts life. Hey, u cant have evrytink u want. Tho' i practically got tinks my way in the past 16 years n 4 months of my life.
Its lyk a vicious cycle, u had say; 20 yrs of ur life good, the next 20, u gotta suffer.
mayb its smth lyk tt. Well, tt explains the tormenting n agonizing beginning of the next 16yrs of my life which i'm gg thru now.

n i am dreading evry single tink abt it.

Top ten reasons for me to absolutely H-A-T-E my life(n possibly try to end it since i cant make it in any way beta.) :

10. I have size-8 HUGE feet.

9. I'm already seventeen(ok, 16 yrs n 4 months) but I'm stil sharing a room w/ my annoying sister whose pull-out bed gets in the way of my doin my makeup at the vanity wall mirror.

8. I got stitches on my head. Well, the cuts r healing, n skin growing out, makin the damaged n unwanted skin fall off the scalp which in turns look lyk DANDRUFF.

7. I am not healthy, at all. I go on regular diets, n failing. I dun do sports since i stopped schling. N btw, I'm bulimic.

6. I flunked my o's.

5. My body proportions r weird. Its ugly. I have a short upper body, but extremely long hands n legs.

4. I'm hairy. Too hairy, for a girl. I've a hairy back, n whenver i wear bare-backs, my frens go lyk' irene, u have such a hairy back, its sexy' den my face will go all red n i wld wish i can jus DIE on the spot.

3. I was silly enuf to constantly n blatantly break e law. argh.

2. For all i noe, my dad engaged a useless lawyer good for nothing but shake his big fat butt into the courtroom w/ tis stupid smile on his face.

And the number one reason i absolutely wish it cld be the end of the world now( n also, the end to my torment):

I wont be getting probation.

Which in other words means, either i'm going to a christian-based holy-moly girls' hostel or the wonderful welcoming woman's prison at changi.

How nice.

I got to cut my hair short either way.

But guess wad, i am not doing it.

Because fuck, i deserve as good a chance on probation as anyone, and if i'm gg to be denied of tis, den u guys can jus fuck off cuz i'm not doin wad u wan me 2.

I am not a troubled problematic teenage girl hu needs to serve her time in the girls' hostel n made to do chores and cooped up n confined to achieve self-actualization n repent.

Fuck probations.

Fuck the stupid law.

Fuck the onli-moulding-me-to-a-beta-person-in-the-hostel logic.

No one understands me, n no one will ever.

Fuck my life. I deserve beta.