Its the 23rd of march. A Wednesday.

And also,

-my stupid ex-bf's birthday
-the day before the sentence of my court day
-a bad n depressing wednesday w/ no food!

Feeling anytink but happy.

I used 2 hate onli sundays. No particular reason, but i absolutely hate them as long as i rmb. Perhaps sundays meant the end of the wkends, n there would b sch 4 me( in the past) the following day. I dun noe, but i find SUN-days rlly SUNNY. N i hate the weather hot. So i usually stay in on sundays.

But now, i'm starting to hate wednesdays.If evry wednesday were 2b lyk 2day's.

Less than 24hrs b4 the final judgement. Wish me luck folks, i'll need it.

I'm having mixed feelings.

Its smth lyk having ONION and CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM AND WATERMELON all at the same time, its jus dun go together. And u would even get a rlly rlly bad stomachache.

See, i'm at the lowest point of my life. NOTHING is gg rite.
My future is so bleak, i cant c wads ahead of me, at all. I've got so much i wanna do, but yet i cant. So much tinks r happening in such a short period of time, its suffocating me.

Never ever thot i wld b in tis position tt i am in 2dae.

And by nothing I mean, NOTHING. Not a single tink is gg MY WAY.

My life is in a complete mess.

Well ok. Except for my love life.

Kind of dreading the 24th yet cant wait 2 get it over n done w/. I mean, its been dragging on since december( and sss-lowly consuming me).

Then again, I'm feeling a WEE bit hopeful. Thanks to my dad, i rlly cant thank him enuf for all the love n support, n evry single tink he's done 4 me. If i ever believe in god someday, i'll believe my biological father is THE GOD.

Well well, Jus kipin my fingers crossed tt all goes well on thurs.

Speakin of which, thanks for the love n care from peeps out there. I'll be alright. Jus wait 4 my good news ya? *winks

AH. Friday is another day worth a mention.

But i'm not tellin much. Well, 4give me!! i jus cant reveal too much. But i'll update on it soon.

Wee~ Fianlly going take foto stickers w. my dearie tmr. Cant wait. *grins

See???

I could seriously suffer a mental breakdown, i am not joking arnd w/ u. I can be rolling-on-the-floor-luffing-my-ass-off tis min, and crying-my-heart-n-soul out the other.

Scary or wad.

I have so much on my mind, and since i tried( n failed) to get tinks off my mind, its probably beta tt i channel all my thots thru writing it here, before i suffer a serious mental break-down or smth.

I've always bear an optimistic and positive outlook on life. I mean, even my horoscope says tt abt me. Me=typical happy-go-lucky Sagittaurian

I dun have a care in tis world, nothing rlly gets to me, mayb unless i'm deprived of my freedom or using make up, or wearing nice n pretty clothes or smth lyk tt.

But as time passes, i've come to realize tt i can no longer be the person i am n how i wld b responsible for all tt i do, n in other words how much life SUCKS.

IT REALLY DOES.

o m f g. Wad has become of me???!!!

I'm being such a whiny, pessimistic sadist freak.

But then again, u can try being in my position. I'll bet even the most positive, most self-assured saintly person( hu oh-i-believe-god-will-bring-us-thru-tis) will be drive to bonkers n go berserk.

Tts life. Hey, u cant have evrytink u want. Tho' i practically got tinks my way in the past 16 years n 4 months of my life.
Its lyk a vicious cycle, u had say; 20 yrs of ur life good, the next 20, u gotta suffer.
mayb its smth lyk tt. Well, tt explains the tormenting n agonizing beginning of the next 16yrs of my life which i'm gg thru now.

n i am dreading evry single tink abt it.

Top ten reasons for me to absolutely H-A-T-E my life(n possibly try to end it since i cant make it in any way beta.) :

10. I have size-8 HUGE feet.

9. I'm already seventeen(ok, 16 yrs n 4 months) but I'm stil sharing a room w/ my annoying sister whose pull-out bed gets in the way of my doin my makeup at the vanity wall mirror.

8. I got stitches on my head. Well, the cuts r healing, n skin growing out, makin the damaged n unwanted skin fall off the scalp which in turns look lyk DANDRUFF.

7. I am not healthy, at all. I go on regular diets, n failing. I dun do sports since i stopped schling. N btw, I'm bulimic.

6. I flunked my o's.

5. My body proportions r weird. Its ugly. I have a short upper body, but extremely long hands n legs.

4. I'm hairy. Too hairy, for a girl. I've a hairy back, n whenver i wear bare-backs, my frens go lyk' irene, u have such a hairy back, its sexy' den my face will go all red n i wld wish i can jus DIE on the spot.

3. I was silly enuf to constantly n blatantly break e law. argh.

2. For all i noe, my dad engaged a useless lawyer good for nothing but shake his big fat butt into the courtroom w/ tis stupid smile on his face.

And the number one reason i absolutely wish it cld be the end of the world now( n also, the end to my torment):

I wont be getting probation.

Which in other words means, either i'm going to a christian-based holy-moly girls' hostel or the wonderful welcoming woman's prison at changi.

How nice.

I got to cut my hair short either way.

But guess wad, i am not doing it.

Because fuck, i deserve as good a chance on probation as anyone, and if i'm gg to be denied of tis, den u guys can jus fuck off cuz i'm not doin wad u wan me 2.

I am not a troubled problematic teenage girl hu needs to serve her time in the girls' hostel n made to do chores and cooped up n confined to achieve self-actualization n repent.

Fuck probations.

Fuck the stupid law.

Fuck the onli-moulding-me-to-a-beta-person-in-the-hostel logic.

No one understands me, n no one will ever.

Fuck my life. I deserve beta.